Depression. It’s a word we shy away from. A word that society is afraid to talk about. It is a word that we do not welcome in to our souls but it can consume us, even the happiest of us.
It comes at you so quick, it will knock the breath out of you before you even know what hit you. It’s scary and it was real and it still is. Every day I struggle with it but it has made me stronger. I’m going to be real and raw with you, tell you my story in hopes that it will help at least one person to realize that they are normal.
I graduated college when I was 21 and it was great, I had a job and could still go out with my friends and I was really loving life. After a month or two of going out 4 days a week I started to realize I was starting to lose a piece of my soul. I decided to pack up my things and move back home, get a job, save some money and not feel the pressure to keep up with my friends who were still enjoying the college lifestyle. That didn’t go as planned. I joined a gym, didn’t work. Got another dog, didn’t help. I just felt alone and sad all the time for NO reason. It didn’t make sense and I wasn’t liking who I was.
Fast forward to Summer 2017 —-> I had decided to hang out with some new friends at the lake but when they weren’t there I decided to eat dinner with my grandparents. The whole time we were at the dinner table I had an uneasy feeling inside & I decided it would be best if I just went home instead of making new friends. I got in my car and it hit me. No, I didn’t want to die BUT I didn’t care if I lived. I just cried and cried the whole 45 minutes home. I crawled in bed and cried myself to sleep. That was the moment I knew I needed to see a doctor, so I did.
I spoke to a doctor and she was amazing. We talked about the previous year and how I thought I might have ended up in this situation. She explained to me that it was normal, situational and something I could overcome. I believed her and I still do.
I still struggle everyday and I struggle especially hard on the days that I forget to take my medicine. Yes, I take medicine. No, I am not embarrassed. I am normal. I am strong. I am powerful. I am Me.
Colleen Hoover wrote a novel Without Merit and you should read it. She speaks about the hard truths of depression. How we don’t like to admit we have flaws and that those flaws make us normal. Check it out Without Merit