Oh, so you like murder??

I love to read, you know that. A good novel is the best way to escape reality but sometimes I like to escape into a reality that is full of psychos, murder and brilliant women. I always see people asking for recommendations (I am always asking for recommendations) so I figured I would compile a list of “yes, you should read” & “nah, don’t waste your time”. This post is dedicated to my favorite and my not so favorite suspense novels. 

All The Missing Girls x Megan Miranda

This was the first novel of hers I ever read and I have been hooked ever since. The story is told backwards which I love. It’s a format I’ve never read before and it intrigued me. The story line is just enough suspense to leave you satisfied but real enough to make it seem plausible. I will recommend this book EVERY time.

My Husband’s Wife x Jane Corry

The cover is the best part of this book, in my opinion. It has enough suspense to keep you interested but by the time you’ve reached the last page you’ll be mad you wasted your time. It isn’t believable and isn’t psycho enough to make you happy.

The Marriage Lie x Kimberly Belle

I’ve dotted on this book before and I will continue to do so. What I loved about this book is it started out with a happy couple and it ended with a woman being a badass, because being a badass is better than a happy couple. This book kept me guessing and I was never sure what was going to happen next. It’s one of those books you can read again and you’ll still feel the same way.

Liar x K. L. Slater

Just don’t waste your time…unless you just want to. This book has a good twist….at the very end and the twist doesn’t make up for the rest of the book. You’ll turn the last page and up just feeling sorry for the male character and feeling bad about being a woman. (okay, it might not be that dramatic but then again it might be)

In a Dark, Dark Wood x Ruth Ware

I love Ruth Ware. Most people do but when you say her name most people think about The Woman in Cabin 10 (which was great) but her first novel is my favorite. I seriously read it in one sitting on a Sunday (nap days) that’s how good it is. It’s got enough spook to make you not want to go to a cabin in the woods and enough twist to keep you wondering. I 10/10 recommend

Dead Girl Running x Christine Dodd

This may be my least favorite suspense novel I have ever paid money for. It pains me to know that there will be a sequel. Nothing about the book made sense, not the plot, not the characters, not the writing style. It was just BAD… honestly no one in their right mind would call their cousin “cousin name” example: Thanks cousin Caitlin for cooking dinner — just NO. If you take anything away from anything I ever type please let it be this: don’t waste your money.

Soooo there’s just a quick list of do reads and don’t reads, I will soon have some book to movie post..so stay tuned and stay nerdy, my pals.

xx Kailey xx

All Your Perfects

Is perfection.

Colleen Hoover is fantastic. Honestly, that’s all that needs to be said. If you follow her on social media you realize that her personality is hilarious & that you don’t even need to read her books to be a fan. BUT I totally suggest reading them. Especially her newest release, All Your Perfects.

I’ll do my best to review the novel with out breaking any laws (lol) or spoiling it. I preordered this one in May and I patiently waited for the release. But unfortunately for me (not really) I’ve moved since then. The book was released but it didn’t show up at my front door…nope it showed up at my old house…at the back door to be exact. So, I had to wait to read the book & for those three days I saw so many gushing reviews that I started to spaz. Anyways, you should read it because, well, it’s amaze balls.

Colleen has mastered the art of pulling at the heart strings. My favorite thing about her writing is that she talks about the REAL issues. In this particular novel she taps into marriage & the struggles that come with marriage, especially the struggles that stem from infertility.

Q & G met in the most unconventional way. They weren’t expecting to fall in love & after they fell in love they weren’t expecting to fall apart.

This novel is written in a Then & Now format & it’s my favorite type of format. You are able to feel the butterflies the couple feels as they fall in love & also feel the pain they feel as they’re falling apart. Colleen does a wonderful job of making you, the reader, feel what the characters are feeling. You crave in the past & grieve in the now. The feelings are so real, raw & relatable. (My favorite R’s when reading a book) Once you turn the first page you won’t be able to put it down until the end.

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So go to The books website or order from amazon, you won’t regret it.

9/10

Til I read the next great book

xx Kailey xx

Addiction

A year ago I bought the domain for my website..I took a leap & it has been a wonderful escape for me. The first post that I felt like really helped, not just myself but others as well was my post where I opened up about my struggle with depression. Mental health is so important and sometimes we don’t nurture it the way we should. The same can be said for addiction.

One of my favorite public figures was rushed to the hospital earlier this week because she overdosed. Everyone has talked, speculated, prayed or judged since the news broke. The majority of us feel an emotional connection to her because she has always been so open about her mental health, drug & alcohol problems. Last year she came out with a wonderful documentary where she really talked about the troubles she went through and struggles with every day. Most recently she released a song where she admits to relapsing after six years. (both are linked)

Simply Complicated

Sober

With all of that being said I wanted to touch on addictions and how addiction does not discriminate.

I have personally never been addicted to a substance but that does not mean it isn’t in my personality. I without a single doubt have an addictive personality. When things start to feel too good I do my very best to stop them cold turkey (lol what a funny saying).

I find myself becoming addicted to people, I start to crave them, even if it is just conversation. I become addicted to TV shows and movies, once I start I can not stop until I am finished with the whole series or the whole book. Sometimes I will lay in bed all day just so I can finish. Once I’m drawn in like that it becomes hard to focus on anything else. Because it is so easy for me to become addicted to those things and the way they make me feel I fear the thought of becoming addicted to substances that can make me feel the same way. It’s in my bloodline to become addicted to things. A very close family member of mine overdosed when I was 11 years old and because of that I am more cautious to the things I allow myself to enjoy.

Since I do have my own struggles with addiction and mental health I believe that it is very important to not only talk about and pray for those in the public that struggle but to also pray and talk to our neighbors. You never know who is struggling with a demon of their own. More than likely your neighbor, a friend, and maybe even the cashier you see every Tuesday has a battle every morning with their very own demons. So, just pray for thy neighbor. And if a friend needs to talk, listen.

 

 

xx Kailey xx

I Struggle

It is Friday, June 29th, approximately 9 in the morning. I have been living in a new city (not town for the first time in my 23 years of life) for a week. I am sitting on the floor because I don’t have a kitchen table. Drinking lukewarm coffee that i made less than a hour ago. Trying to do my homework. Trying is a very important word. I have been trying to do a lot of things..and I have mainly been failing. So, I struggle.

I got my last paycheck from my safety net today & now I have no clue which way is up. It is sad to me, that I am 23 with a degree that is practically useless, working on another degree, and I still can’t seem to get my career started. I’m partially to blame, yes, but not completely. How was I supposed to know that my degree will do me no good without experience & how was I supposed to know that the internship I took my senior year wasn’t going to count as experience? So, I struggle.

I struggle because I don’t know where to go from here. I don’t know how many more applications, how many more background checks, how many more test I will have to take before I will feel comfortable enough to know that my rent and student loan payments will be paid this month.

I struggle with my self worth. I struggle with school. I struggle with my dog…simply because he’s decided he’s a barker. I struggle with motivation. I struggle with the thought of my future..I especially struggle when someone ask “Kailey, what do you want to do with your life?” Honestly, my answer is everything. I want to do it all. But have you ever told someone all the things you want to do with your future? I have, and I always get the same response. It’s a disapproving look, a pity look. Their look is telling me that my dreams and aspirations aren’t reachable, I need to decide what I really want to do, before it’s too late. So, I struggle.

I struggle, but I also achieve. I know not starting my career yet is disapproving but I also know the accomplishment it is to be a first generation graduate. Not only a first generation graduate but I am going for degree number two. I know being scared that I won’t have rent is a pity but I also know that it is an achievement that I got out of the small town I grew up in. I know that struggling with school isn’t something to be happy about but paying for school and getting good grades is an accomplishment. I know that a barking dog is annoying, but having a two year old male dog that doesn’t hike his leg in the house is an accomplishment. I know my lack of motivation is sad but I know getting up and running a mile, driving to those test, reading the articles for school…all of that is an everyday accomplishment.

We all struggle, every day. But we also all have accomplishments to be proud of. Sometimes our fears and struggles cloud our view of the things we have achieved thus far. It is hard to keep a positive outlook and hard to keep our chins up but we have to do that in order to move forward and as long as we are moving forward we should be proud. 

My name is Kailey & I struggle but I achieve.

 

xx Kailey xx

 

Aunt to an Angel

You never know how deep the pain can cut, how dark the days can get, how many tears you can cry, until it happens to you. It doesn’t just happen to you, though, it happens to your husband, your siblings, your parents, your cousins, your whole family. They all feel the pain from that deep, awful cut.

This is my story, the story of a sister to a wonderful mother, a mother who held her baby for the first time, knowing she would never take a breath. This is the story of an Aunt, whose niece is an angel.

I will never forget that day-March 27th, 2014-, it was a normal day. I was sitting in my dorm, at my desk, in front of my computer just staring at my homework. My brother in law called and I ignored it, I knew if I answered I would never get my homework done. You see, I am very, very close to my family, especially my sister and brother in law. Anyways, it went to voicemail. He then texted me and said “Call me when you can. We lost the baby.”

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I called him and when he answered I said “What do you mean we lost the baby?”, he answered “There’s no heartbeat”, I lost it. I completely lost control of myself, my emotions, my body. I cried, and cried some more. My roommate, Shanna, ran to my side of the room and did the best she could to calm me. I just cried, cried and cried some more. The next thing I remember is just going through the motions. Telling my professors I wouldn’t be in class, telling my job I couldn’t make it in, telling my friends I was going home. It was gut wrenching and I was 5 hours away from my family. That was the hardest part, knowing it would take hours for me to get to my family, to get to comfort.

The trip home was dreadful. Making it home in one piece was Gods work but at that time I was questioning God. Why would he do such a thing? Why would he take an innocent life? How could he take something so special from us? The “whys” and the “hows” were large and taking over. It was something I couldn’t wrap my head around. I didn’t understand and I wasn’t sure I wanted to understand. I needed to mourn but I also needed to be strong for my family.

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You honestly can not believe how much you can love and mourn someone you’ve never even met until this happens to you. Until you lose your niece without ever feeling her grab ahold of your finger, without ever playing peek-a-boo, without ever hearing her say her first word. If you just think about the “what ifs” you’ll never understand. You won’t ever accept it. Accept that the first face she ever saw was the face of Jesus. Accept that she will never see evil or have evil done to her. You have to let go and realize that she may not fall in love on earth but she’s already fallen in love in Heaven. You have to understand that she is constantly watching over her family, especially her big brother and little sister. 17553724_1759437174082432_6582831911428540330_n

Every year we get together for her heavenly birthday. We release butterflies and balloons and we cry. My sister said it best yesterday, “you never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have”, and she is so strong. Kenzi’s whole family is stronger. We are stronger because of her.

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Although we will never get to see her play t-ball, ride a horse, or play tag we will always remember her. We will always love her, cherish her and look forward to meeting her. She will always be our princess.

I hope no one ever has to feel this pain, but, if you do, know that you are not alone.

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In honor of Kenzington Rae Carpenter, March 27th, 2014 & Layken Tola Boyd, May 20th, 2012.

xx Kaileyxx

(this is my personal story, I am not trying to speak for others and how they may feel)

Behind Closed Doors

Book review time!! &&&& ohhh is it a doooozy of a book..& i mean that in the best way possible.

I have been very adamant about my top two books and this one just slid right up in there! Honestly, I was hooked from chapter one. Not only was it a page turner but it also made you think, actually think, about what you could do or would have done had you been in Grace’s shoes. Did she handle things the best way possible or could she have done something sooner? I strongly urge you to read this novel then answer those questions.

This novel switches between Present and Past which seems normal except that half way through the book Past happens after the original Present. That keeps you on your toes to say the least.

Chapter one shows what a perfect family Jack & Grace Angel are. The most beautiful house, luxurious vacations, extravagant meals, not a single thing out of place. Sounds perfect, right? Their friends adore them..except the new friend, Esther. Esther is skeptical, can a couple really be perfect?

The next chapter allows you to look into the past, see how Jack and Grace met. And wow Jack is so perfect. He’s understanding, caring, loving and generous. What else could a woman want? Especially when the woman has a little sister who has Down’s syndrome. A little sister she has promised to take care of after she turns 18.

You then learn that Jack is very controlling, or so you think that’s what he is. He won’t allow Grace to see her friends without him, she doesn’t have a cell phone or a personal email…what could be going on? Esther is very cautious of her new friends marriage and Jack is starting to take note of that.

The book gives you very little at a time, just enough to keep you turning the page and making it impossible for you to put the book down.

“Do you realise what you’ve done, do you realise that you’ve sold your soul to me?”

As you dive deeper into Grace’s life you begin to wonder if she can ever achieve what she needs to in order to not only keep her self safe but her little sister as well. You wonder if Esther will ever understand what is actually happening to Grace and if Jack will ever get what is coming to him. & I am here to tell you….

 

nothing. 🙂 You must read it yourself. You won’t regret it. You might even smile.

Jack may shut the shutters on their house but he can’t shut the shutters on our opportunity to read a killer novel. 

I like to rate the books I read on a scale of 1-5 and I rate this one a solid 4.5. B.A. Paris hit a home run with this novel and I will probably read it again. I hope you’re not disappointed when you take the leap and turn the page.

 

xx Kailey xx 

Am I Being Left Behind?

We all hit that awkward age. It’s our early 20’s. You know, the time when half of our friends are getting toasted every weekend and even some week days & the other half of our friends are getting married and having babies.

Then there’s me. I fit in neither of those categories. Most of the time I’m in bed way before 10. I go out ever few weekends but I don’t get drunk any more. (I really like not being hungover) I’m more single than I’ve ever been. Literally my mom said “you need to start dating, Kailey. You really aren’t getting any younger” ouch Babies freak me out, the thought of a first date makes me panic & having to shave my legs or wash my hair makes me exhausted. I would just rather be laying in bed with either a beefy 5 layer burrito or a glass of cab. There’s really no in between, is there? I either binge watch crime shows or binge read a good book. And I’m okay with that.

But should I be???

Should I feel excitement about swiping left or right on a dating app? Should I want to go party in a pasture?

Does watching Chicago P.D. or reading Megan Miranda’s latest book on a Saturday night make me a prude?

Does working 40 hours a week or spending over 10 hours on homework make me lame?

Am I a dud because I cherish my sleep over staying up past midnight?

If you answered yes, then I’m sorry you feel that way about me but I’m sure your life is fun. Sometimes I live vicariously through your pictures and videos, but I don’t envy you anymore.

If you feel the way I do, then know that you are okay! Our time is coming. Chasing success, closing a chapter, rewriting the scripts. We’re doing our own thing, on our own schedule.

Who cares if it’s not the popular opinion? Who cares if people don’t want to be us. We want to be us & that is all that matters.

We wake up, we kick ass and we even eat pizza. IT’S OKAY.

Never feel bad about being you.

Kailey xx