Am I Being Left Behind?

We all hit that awkward age. It’s our early 20’s. You know, the time when half of our friends are getting toasted every weekend and even some week days & the other half of our friends are getting married and having babies.

Then there’s me. I fit in neither of those categories. Most of the time I’m in bed way before 10. I go out ever few weekends but I don’t get drunk any more. (I really like not being hungover) I’m more single than I’ve ever been. Literally my mom said “you need to start dating, Kailey. You really aren’t getting any younger” ouch Babies freak me out, the thought of a first date makes me panic & having to shave my legs or wash my hair makes me exhausted. I would just rather be laying in bed with either a beefy 5 layer burrito or a glass of cab. There’s really no in between, is there? I either binge watch crime shows or binge read a good book. And I’m okay with that.

But should I be???

Should I feel excitement about swiping left or right on a dating app? Should I want to go party in a pasture?

Does watching Chicago P.D. or reading Megan Miranda’s latest book on a Saturday night make me a prude?

Does working 40 hours a week or spending over 10 hours on homework make me lame?

Am I a dud because I cherish my sleep over staying up past midnight?

If you answered yes, then I’m sorry you feel that way about me but I’m sure your life is fun. Sometimes I live vicariously through your pictures and videos, but I don’t envy you anymore.

If you feel the way I do, then know that you are okay! Our time is coming. Chasing success, closing a chapter, rewriting the scripts. We’re doing our own thing, on our own schedule.

Who cares if it’s not the popular opinion? Who cares if people don’t want to be us. We want to be us & that is all that matters.

We wake up, we kick ass and we even eat pizza. IT’S OKAY.

Never feel bad about being you.

Kailey xx

The Kitchen House

With February being Black History Month I figured it would be a great time to tell you all about The Kitchen House. If you have already read this novel then I would love to hear your thoughts.

This novel wrecked my soul in the very best way, made me cry several times and made me so happy in the end. It was so real, so raw, and really made you think about how far we have come and how lucky we are today. 

kitchen house

Based from 1791-1810 the novel is told from two separate points of view. Lavinia, the Irish girl who was orphaned during her passage from Ireland whom the Captain brought home & Belle, the Captain’s illegitimate slave daughter.

The prologue really snags you from the beginning. It starts with Laviana running, full of fear. A little girl is following her and you just know something bad is about to happen. And then it does, someone has been hanged. You have no clue who but you do know that you have to find out.

Chapter one starts and you learn about Laviana and how she ended up at the Tall Oaks plantation. You watch her go from a tiny, sick, scared little girl to a girl who believes she belongs in The Kitchen House. Laviana believes the slaves are her family and that they will always have one another.

Laviana develops a very close relationship with Belle. Belle takes her under her wing and loves her as if she were her own daughter but Belle herself has obstacles to overcome.  The Captain’s wife does not know that Belle is his daughter, she believes Belle is actually his mistress. Which in the long run makes life more difficult for Belle.

Laviana grows close to all the slaves, they become her family but in 1797 (chapter 27) everyone’s world is shook. The Captain passes away & Laviana is taken from Tall Oaks in hopes for a better future. The white people and black people both know this will give Laviana a better future but Laviana just wants to stay at Tall Oaks.

In 1801 Laviana finally gets what she wants, a life at Tall Oaks once again…but everything has changed and no matter how hard she tries it will never be the same. The struggles the family faces in the next 9 years is enough to have you laying in bed, eating ice cream & crying!

With all that being said I highly suggest you read the novel and see how it ends. You won’t regret it. It will warm your heart in ways you didn’t know it could be warmed and you will get a good cry out. 

xx Kailey xx

the kitchen house 1

Un-Fulfillment

A friend and I were talking this morning, I called to invite her down for a fun weekend, she told me she couldn’t go because she had to work. I asked her how her job was going, did she love her career, was it what she wanted?? Her answer really got me thinking. She said “It’s okay, but this can not be what I spent 5 years of my life going to school for” I agreed with her. Is this all that we get? A half fulfilled life? 

The answer has to be no. We do not go to college on an average of four years to live a mediocre life. It just can not be that boring. But how do we get out of the rut we find ourselves in? How do we find a career that fulfils us?

I was watching New Girl this morning and Schmidt was talking about how he went to work and crushed it then he crushed it again. He just absolutely loves his job and he thrives at it. The same way Jess thrives at being a teacher or Rachel thrives when working with fashion and Monica thrives in the kitchen of a well known restaurant. I do not want to be a Chandler when it comes to my career, nobody does. Ammirite???

In order to get a fulfilled life you must sit down and actually think about what fulfills you. Is it working with kids? numbers? words? sick people? Pick a topic and go from there.

Be willing to branch out, not only in your career but also in your location.

Don’t depend on someone else for your happiness.

Never settle. Never ever.

Don’t give up on yourself.

Find a hobby.

Make a bucket list.

SET GOALS.

Then you take a step back and….CRUSH IT. 

No, I am not fulfilled, but I am headed in the right direction. I have attainable goals, a bucket list, a fun hobby, dreams and a passion. I will tell you to sit back and watch me achieve them and you need to do the same. Let’s come together and live a life worth telling. I’m going to crush the rest of 2018 & I believe you will too. 

 

xx Kailey xx

 

 

 

Wine Trail

I’m a big shop local guy *Shawn Booth voice*. When it comes to clothes, shoes, tamales & *drum rolllll* wineeee! 🍷

It’s a new year which means it’s also my birth month so last weekend I set out with my faveee people to hit up the north East Texas wine Trail. It was a long, fun, tipsy day. And now I’m coming at you with a review.

Stop 1: O’Farrell Vineyard- A quick 20 minutes from my house & you have made it to O’Farrell’s. Family owned and operated & always a good time. O’Farrells is a great place to spend the early part of your day or a stop before dinner. They always have the wine-a-rita machine going, several different wines to choose from & different snack options. They don’t serve actual dinner but I prefer cheese & grapes with my wine anyways *casual hair flip* . You can sit by the cute fire place, under a heater or even on a swing. A very chill atmosphere & loads of fun.

If I have to choose my favorite ETX winery this would take the cake.

O’Farrell Vineyard check emmm out

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Best Books of ‘17

Okkkaay so most of these weren’t actually published in 2017 but I read them this year and they were fantastic and I expect you to love them just as much as I did.

I recently rediscovered my passion for reading which has opened the door to my passion for writing. I love the way a good book can take you out of your world and put you somewhere else if only for a chapter or two. It’s the greatest escape & it also stimulates your mind.

Seeing how I have a degree in Criminal Justice I tend to lean toward the crime novels..or suspense may be a better word. I am also a woman so a little romance never hurt…especiallywhen there’s suspense thrown in there.

Sooo I’ve put together a list of my top 5 books that I suggest you read…you won’t want to put them down.

1. All the Missing Girls x Megan Miranda

This book is at the top of my list for favorite book ever. It’s suspenseful, intriguing, dramatic, all things that make a novel a best seller. The book challenges you as a reader to figure out what happened all those years ago & what happened this time? Can two girls go missing from the same town with connections to one another but not be related at all?? Not only does the novel keep you on your toes about the missing girls but it also lets a love story, a true love story, unravel. Let’s not forget (drumroll please) this book is told backwards! With every chapter, every day before, you get more & more invested. You won’t be able to put this novel down.

2. The Marriage Lie x Kimberly Belle

This novel will leave you shook. How does someone keep a secret so huge from their wife for seven years!! As the story unravels you start to question not only Iris’ sanity but yours as well. You go on an adventure to find the truth and you wonder if the truth will help Iris make the right decision or not. Maybe a new romance will unravel? Maybe an old romance will rekindle? Can Iris protect her future? Will she make the right decision even though it hurts? You’ll have to read it to find out.

3. It Ends with Us x Colleen Hoover

This novel is a romance with a little bit of suspense. I was unable to put this book down while at the beach…THE BEACH & I love the beach!! Lily has not had the easiest life but she pushed herself and got the life she wanted and deserved. The perfect man, her own business, the perfect apartment & the best friend. Then things take a turn for the worse. The perfect husband may not be so perfect. A ghost from her past pops up. What will Lily do? Will she stop the cycle that started before she was born? Or will she let it continue? Check it out. You won’t regret it.

4. Ghost Gifts x Laura Spinella

I believe in ghost & I believe in mediums so this book is right up my alley. Once again (drumroll {again}, please) suspense & romance wrapped in oneeee! Aubrey realizes she had a gift at a young age…when she first noticed this gift she was not excited. It would make her sick & people did not take it well. One year as a child something strange happens, a blonde girl shows up and leaves her flowers without speaking. Twenty years later Aubrey finds her self in a town she visited as a child with a career taking off. She doesn’t speak of her gift to anyone but she uses it for good. Then one day bones fall out of a wall & Aubrey’s job gets more interesting. Her talents and her past may help her solve a murder & help her fall in love. If you don’t believe this novel may change your mind.

5. Gone Girl x Gillian Flynn

Okay, obviously this book is almost four years old and a hit film that our favorite girl Reese helped produce. Butttt I just read it then watched the film & wowza the book is perfect. Amy is beautiful & brilliant & knows how to get what she wants. She’s always been conniving & sneaky. Nick is handsome, struggling, stoic. They seem to have the perfect marriage until Perfect Amy goes missing (name coined by her parents). All eyes turn to Nick seeing how he shows very little emotion about his missing wife. (Total Scott Peterson vibes) Next thing you know there’s a huge plot twist that will literally make your jaw hit the floor. Sooo if you’ve never watched the film I suggest reading the novel. Your mind will be like the new emoji…blown. Then watch the film and message me so we can compare them together.

I hope you take the time out of your busy lives to read and escape. These are just a few of my favorites and it’s not just my favorite books but my favorite authors as well.

Gimmme allll your book suggestions xx

With love & nerdiness,

Kailey xx

I Found My Grandma Dead

I shared my story about struggling with depression but I haven’t really explained myself of who I am or maybe why I am the way I am. So tonight I’m going to give y’all a glimpse into my childhood.

This is a story I don’t tell. Only a handful of people know but I think it’s time I changed that.

My parents divorced when I was young (I’ll write another post about that) so when I would go see my biological father I would stay at his moms house. My Granny Robbie.

I always loved going over there. My Granny would drink coffee and I had my own child size coffee set. We would eat Life cereal & her tooth paste was the Aim brand..I remember the taste & how minty it was.

I was 10 years old. Staying the night with my dad & granny. I was back from a rodeo haul & it was relaxing being at home.

My dad had to go to work the next morning so me and my Granny Robbie were going to spend the day together. I was excited because that meant cereal & coffee & movies all day.

Now my Granny was a snorer so I always tried to fall asleep before her & sometimes I would wake before she did. On this particular morning I did…at least I said I did.

I woke up before my Granny did so I started watching Free Willy (my fave). I was about half way through the movie when my dad called & I told him Granny Robbie was still asleep. He then called after the movie & told me to go & check on her. So I did. I said she was snoring. I lied.

I knew something was wrong but as a 10 year old how do you register that? How do you tell someone you think your granny is dead?

I don’t actually remember how long it was before my dad called again…I told him she was still asleep…that’s when he told me to go get my cousin who lived next door. We walked back to my granny’s and I’m almost certain I said “I swear she was snoring” but she wasn’t..I knew that.

I stood by the front door while she checked on her & I’ll never forget the panic in her voice as she called my dad back. That’s when I knew it was real..that’s when I knew that my Granny had actually passed away right next to me.

I still never told anyone I knew she was dead. I stuck to my story that she was snoring when I checked on her. Nobody knew that 10 year old Kailey has actually registered what happened. And I didn’t tell a soul…not until I was 17 & I finally told my mom.

For 7 years I kept that information to myself. I carried around guilt. I was ashamed of myself. I was too worried about watching Free Willy to notice something might actually be wrong.

It’s always hard to lose a family member. It’s especially hard to find the family member and not tell a soul at such a young age.

I don’t like to use this as an excuse. I don’t like to “blame” my sweet, sweet, loving Granny Robbie. I like to remember the good times. The coffee. The morning trips to the truck stop. The antique shops. The road trips to Ohio. The movies & books. The feathered wall paper. I loved my Granny Robbie & I still do.

I know this post is all over the place but I needed to share my story. Get it off of my chest. Cry a little. Maybe let you know to always be aware, that little eyes see more than they let on.

Miss you forever.

Kailey xx

I’m Not a Regular Mom, I’m a Dog Mom

I do not honestly believe being a dog mom even half way compares to being a real mom, or a “regular” mom. I know that the struggles moms go through with babies & children: illness, late nights, financial struggles & emotional struggles are wayyy more intense than the struggles a dog mom goes through. So please do not take this as me comparing my life to yours, my struggles to yours, my issues to yours. We are each our own person but you, as a mom, are a superhero. With that being said …..

my first day with Mosby (excuse the unbrushed hair & two day old eyebrows)

Being a dog mom is the coolest thing I have ever done. *que Regina George’s mom* “I’m a cool mom” .

I think being a dog mom really helps you learn responsibility, strength, patience & it prepares you for what life may bring.

I’m not necessarily a kid person & I am definitely not a baby person. Spit up, dirty diapers, slobber, puke, bad milk, crying, none of that is for me. I see a baby and I duck and hide. I see a puppy and I beg to hold it.

You can put a dog in a bucket but can you put a baby in a bucket??? No?? I didn’t think so.

I have always had dogs. Even as a little girl we always had some sort of dog, usually an outside dog that was a stray that we decided to give a home. They were just dogs to me though, not really family.

Then my freshman year of high school my life changed forever. I saw a litter of mini dachshunds at a barrel race & KNEW I had to have one. I got my dad to agree, then my mom & then we were picking out a puppy..our new family member. Insert Tinker Bell.

Family Picture (a world before Instagram)

Tinker Bell became my best friend and queen of the house real quick. She knew her place and she ran with it. She loves to sleep under the covers, play with the children & sit in your lap. She also likes to bark at the horses but that’s another story.

When I left for college I had to leave Tinker at home & my mom quickly became attached & Tinker was no longer my dog. Tinker Bell knew her home was in the blue house & she wasn’t uprooting her throne to come with me. I let a few years pass & then I decided I needed my own dog. I was in college, kind of lonely, kind of bored and I knew a mini dachshund would make my life complete. I searched, waited, searched some more. 6 months later I found the perfect dog. I saw one picture, put my deposit down and started taking polls on a name. Mosby didn’t win…but it won my heart over.

Mosby & Tinker Bell

After three days of having Mosby I was so attached, I knew I couldn’t live without him. Okay that may be a little dramatic.

Now to the good stuff… why being a dog mom is soooo cool

  1. You always have a cuddle buddy
  2. Your dog will love you no matter what
  3. Cute pictures
  4. You can dress your dog up like a child
  5. Guard dog, they can scare away scary people
  6. They can help you make new friends, everyone loves a cute dog
  7. They can even help you get a date
  8. You learn that if you actually love the person (animal, same thing) that poop and puke isn’t that bad
  9. If you’re sad your dog will make you happy
  10. Who doesn’t love a best friend????

I don’t agree with the the saying “adopt don’t shop” because I bought both Tinker Bell & Mosby and I love them both with my wholeeee heart. I even plan on eventually having little Mosby’s..I believe all dogs deserve to be loved whether you buy them from a breeder or adopt them. All dogs are to be loved and cherished & you should only become a dog mom if you fully intend to stick it out through the pup years and adult years. With that being said I have adopted a beautiful dog & I love her equally.

I hope I never have to live in a world where being a dog mom isn’t allowed. If you are a dog mom please drop pictures below.

Kailey xx